The most important lesson I have learned in all the years I have worked in the field of recovery from Narcissistic Abuse is that such abuse can only destroy us in the absence of Self Love.
On a spiritual level we draw to us the opportunities to grow and expand in consciousness. We may not like these opportunities. They may be painful. They may feel like we have received the proverbial two-by-four over the head. But we must ask the question “In what way is this experience demonstrating a need for greater self love?”
Are you allowing yourself to be abused? Mistreated? Scapegoated? Are you allowing other people’s negative opinions of you to entrench themselves deeply under your skin? Do you place more importance on how others perceive you than you place on how you perceive yourself?
On the topic of narcissism, narcissistic people are deeply wounded and have a need to project their wounds upon others. They have a need to bolster themselves by destroying others. It is said “if a narcissist can’t control you, they will attempt to control how others perceive you.” So there is often a smear campaign directed towards the narcissist’s target (chosen person to blame.)
I have worked with so many people who have been the victim of the smear campaign, and I have also been the target of a very sophisticated smear campaign. It is important to remember that when you are targeted, you are perceived as a threat. The second important thing to remember is “this really has nothing to do with you.”
When you are the target of a smear campaign or attacks from others, it can be difficult to align with the realization that “this has nothing to do with me.” It can feel deeply personal. But it is not! It is really not about you at all. It is about the persecutor; the one who bolsters himself/herself in order to feel more “in control,” or “superior.”
In human nature, we shame others in order to avoid our own shame. We blame others in order to avoid self reflection. “We hate others in order to avoid looking at our own self-loathing.” It really isn’t personal. It is about the persecutors relationship with themselves.
It doesn’t mean you don’t get caught in the line of fire. You do. A soldier on a battlefield has no personal feelings for the one he shoots. He is trained to see the “other” as the enemy and his mission is to destroy the enemy. Now, it may feel very personal for the one caught in the line of fire, but the shooter has no real knowledge of who his target is. He just sees the target as “the enemy.”
When you are put in the position of “the enemy,” be very careful not to make yourself the enemy! Look within at your own self-loathing and see if you are somehow blaming yourself, or feeling that if you were truly a “good” person, others would see it and treat you accordingly. This is not true. Some of the most loving and kind people have been the most persecuted.
Once again, I remind you. How people treat you says a whole lot more about who they are, then who you are. Remember this! People target and attack others from their own darkness. Their shadow, which is the hidden parts of themselves; the aspects of self they cannot see, gets projected outward onto the one who triggers them in some way. The people (flying monkeys,) who are sucked into their drama, are seduced by their own shadow and a need to project it onto someone else.
Jesus was a being of pure love, and still the target for much hostility from others. It is the light that exposes the darkness, and those who do not want to look within themselves, cast their shadow upon the one who shines the light. Innocent people are crucified every day. Our methods of crucifixion are much more sophisticated now, nevertheless, it is a type of crucifixion.
Jesus also says “Forgive them Father, for they know not what they do.” He speaks to the unconsciousness within the sinner. They simply are not aware. They are not aware that the true enemy lies within. They casts their stones onto others, in order to avoid looking at self.
If you are the one being “stoned,” so to speak, know that you are only the mirror, reflecting to the perpetrator his own self-loathing. If he can crack the mirror, he doesn’t have to see himself. So it is your job to stand strong in yourself. Don’t allow yourself to be cracked. Be a stronger mirror! Shine brighter! Let more of your God Light radiate upon those who cast their stones.
The truth shall be revealed, in the end. We don’t know when the end is or how long we must endure the pain of wrongful accusations and persecution. Understanding the deeper truth and aligning with self-love is the way to redemption.
Nobody outside of ourselves, has the power to turn us against ourselves. Only we can do this. Align with God! Align with Truth! Align with Self-Love. This is your protection. This is your way to freedom. Self Love is the way!
So remember, don’t let anyone steal your light. Shine brightly! Be who you are! Make no excuses for showing up in the world as the radiant, beautiful, YOU!U!
