Are you experiencing lack of support recovering from narcissistic abuse? As a therapist for people recovering from narcissistic abuse, one common complaint is the lack of support people are feeling in their recovery process. If you had lost a loved one to death, people would be there helping you. Even if you were going through a normal divorce, you may experience more support. But with narcissistic abuse, it is different. Most people just don’t understand, unless they have been through it.
The main reason that most people are ill equipped to support you in your recovery is that you are not experiencing a normal break-up. You are struggling with painful PTSD symptoms. Most people also don’t understand PTSD and what the symptoms are. They see Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as something that is experienced by war victims, or victims of a traumatic event like a bank robbery, or terrible accident.
Not only is Narcissistic Abuse misunderstood, but so is the link between narcissistic abuse and PTSD. As a result many sufferers of PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse find themselves struggling alone. They may have support for a short time; as long as the friend or family member feels is normal for a “break-up.” But after a while you may hear things like “get over it already! It’s time to move on!”
The result is that many sufferers of PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse, feel there is something really wrong with them that they can’t move on. They end up blaming and shaming themselves and may fall into behaviors that make things worse rather than better.
What About Therapy?
Therapy or some type of coaching support can be very helpful if it is with someone who truly understands narcissistic abuse and the link with PTSD. A majority of therapists who have not experienced narcissistic abuse or don’t fully understand it can do more harm than good with their clients, because, once again, they are trying to deal with “break-up” symptoms and self-esteem, rather than understanding that they are dealing with true victims of trauma.
I’ve had many clients come to me for help who have tried several different methods of healing, including traditional therapy, and feel they are stuck, unable to move past the pain and trauma. I begin addressing their PTSD symptoms right away and give tools to help them get some immediate relief. They begin to understand that they really aren’t going crazy, even though it might feel that way. The more they understand their symptoms as being typical for complex post traumatic stress disorder, the more sane they begin to feel. There is a name for what they are going through and there is a method of treatment that works.
Often after my first counseling session with a client who has PTSD as a result of narcissistic abuse, they feel much better. They feel hopeful about their future again. Mostly because they come to understand that what they are experiencing is typical for sufferers of narcissistic abuse. They are not alone! Also they feel relief to know that someone understands what they are going through. It is like going to the doctor who can finally diagnose a condition and give a method to treat it. There is relief!
When people suffer from auto immune disorders, doctors often don’t have the knowledge or skill to diagnose the disorder and so they are called “mystery illnesses.” When someone is suffering from a mystery illness, doctors and family alike often believe it is all in their head. This is often what happens with CPTSD victims who are displaying signs of extreme stress, anxiety, emotional instability and strong emotions around what happened to them. In fact many of CPTSD patients are misdiagnosed, just as auto immune sufferers are.
Clients will tell me they have been diagnosed with an anxiety disorder, or depression and are put on medications. But the real issues is overlooked and left untreated. Sure there is anxiety! There is insomnia! There is depression! But these are all part of the PTSD.
Another reason friends and family don’t understand what you are going through, is that the narcissist often puts on a very believable front, convincing others he or she is amazing, supportive, loving and kind. How could such a person be responsible for your pain and trauma? This can be crazy making and when you try and explain to your well meaning friends and family what is happening, you can’t find the words. This is because narcissistic abuse is a very subtle type of abuse that happens on very deep levels. It can be difficult to explain.
Getting help and support for your Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder as a result of narcissistic abuse is important. You don’t have to do this alone. There are people who understand and are equipped to help you.
For more information please check out my thirty minute podcast on Pandora’s Box Radio, where I dive deeper into this topic and offer more insight as to how to handle those friends and family who aren’t showing up for you, and how to begin your process of healing.
