When delving into the realm of narcissistic abuse, the term “gaslighting” frequently arises. But what exactly does it mean to experience gaslighting?
Gaslighting is a form of psychological abuse where the perpetrator manipulates someone into questioning and doubting their own reality. This tactic is commonly used by narcissists to exert control over those close to them, often leaving the victim feeling as if they are losing their sanity.
To someone who hasn’t experienced gaslighting, its effects can be difficult to understand. Victims often don’t realize what is happening and may believe the issue lies within themselves. However, gaslighting is a covert form of psychological manipulation designed to undermine a person’s confidence and perception.
Examples of Gaslighting
Molly and her boyfriend discuss her birthday plans, and she is excited about their arrangement. However, a few days before her birthday, her boyfriend denies any such conversation took place, leaving Molly confused and questioning her memory and sanity.
In another scenario, Molly takes out the garbage, but the following week, her boyfriend claims he is the one who always takes out the garbage. When Molly reminds him of her efforts, he flatly denies it, causing her to doubt her own actions.
As gaslighting persists, the victim’s self-doubt intensifies. Molly, for instance, starts to lose confidence, not just because of gaslighting but also due to other narcissistic behaviors exhibited by her boyfriend. This constant manipulation erodes her self-esteem and sense of reality.
Gaslighting involves more than just denying past actions. It can also manifest as someone telling you they will call you to make plans with you next weekend and come next weekend you don’t hear from them. When you contact them to find out what is going on, they are oblivious and act as if they never said they would call, once again leaving you confused.
The term “gaslighting” originates from the 1940 British psychological thriller Gaslight. In the film, a man manipulates his wife into thinking she is going insane by moving and hiding objects and dismissing her observations about the dimming gaslights, which he causes. His goal is to have her committed to an insane asylum. Ultimately, a detective uncovers the plot, saving the wife and restoring her sanity.
While not all gaslighters are as malevolent as the villain in Gaslight, similar tactics are used by psychological abusers to gain power and control in relationships. These behaviors can include moving objects, denying conversations or events, and creating confusion. Victims often become more dependent on their abuser, seeking stability amidst the induced chaos.
Do Gaslighters Know What They Are Doing?
Some gaslighters are fully aware of their manipulative tactics, while others may act unconsciously due to their own distorted sense of reality. Regardless, the impact on the victim remains profound.
Understanding gaslighting is crucial for victims to recognize the signs in their own lives. This awareness can help them see through the manipulator’s tactics and begin to reclaim their reality. However, escaping the grip of a gaslighter can be challenging, especially if the victim has become dependent on the abuser for stability. This is a form of Stockholm Syndrome.
Victims of gaslighting often need support from someone who understands the manipulation they are experiencing. Narcissists may try to discredit the victim by telling friends and family that the victim is acting strangely, further isolating them. Therefore, it’s important for victims to find a stable, supportive environment where they can regain their confidence and sense of reality.
In summary, Gaslighting is a manipulative tactic used to make victims doubt their own reality, thereby gaining control over them. Recognizing gaslighting is the first step toward breaking free from this form of abuse and reclaiming one’s sense of self and reality.
