How To Eliminate the Inner Judge

The inner judge is the part of you that seeks to find fault with you.  It may have begun as the external voice of a parent, teacher, sibling, or peers, but has taken root on the inside as the judging, condemning, fault finding voice.

All core wounds incurred in early childhood, get encoded into false beliefs we hold about ourselves.  The inner judge is the aspect of us who is constantly reminded us of these beliefs.  It is ridden with guilt, fear and shame.  It tells us we shouldn’t do it that way, or we should do this or that.

The inner judge is the fault finder that creates an environment where you are in opposition to the self.  As long as you are in opposition with yourself you will not find peace.

To eliminate the inner judge, we don’t want to fight against this aspect either.  Because to fight against anything will prevent us from having peace.

Every aspect of ourselves really wants to help us, but the inner judge has a very strange way of trying to help us.  By pointing out all your perceived flaws and faults, the inner judge believes it is helping you.   If it discourages you from trying to do something, like start a new business, it may tell you that you that you are going to fail.  It wants to prevent you from trying so that you don’t risk failure, or don’t risk making a fool of yourself, or don’t risk getting hurt.

Perhaps this is where a lot of early judgements have taken root.  A parent might discourage you from doing something because they are projecting their own fears onto you.

I was once discouraged from entering a talent contest by a parent who suggested I would make a fool of myself.  My adult mind could take this information and run with it.  I could tell myself that this parent didn’t really care about me and didn’t support me, and it might seem that way.  But perhaps the parent was afraid of taking chances and risks for fear of making a fool of himself or herself and that fear gets projected upon the children.

As a child, I internalized this fear and I became afraid to step out onto the stage of life.  I became terrified of performing in public.  I had a great fear that I would make a fool of myself.  It took me a long time and a lot of work to face this fear and move beyond it.  I had to convince that part of myself “the inner judge” that with enough preparation I would be fine.  If I practiced and knew my material, I could pull it off without making a fool of myself.

Although I was terrified at first, it got easier and the judge tamed down a bit.  It still judged me though.  It found fault with my performances and was overly concerned with what people thought of me.  I still had the concern I would make a fool of myself, if I shared my talent.

As a young child, ready to step out onto that stage and share my gifts without reservation or concern for what people thought of me, I was liberated and free.  When the suggestion was planted in my head that people would find my performance foolish, I developed a hypersensitivity to how others perceived me.

It is experiences like this that cause the inner judge to take root.  I was never the same again.  I was never quite so innocent and willing to embrace the expressions wanting to come through me.  On the contrary, I began to feel there was something wrong with me and my expression.  It was something to be judged.

My story is not so unique.  Most of us have a story like this.  We have experiences where we are judged or discouraged, and we internalize the messages.  The inner judge is born.

In my case, my inner judge wanted to help me by protecting me from making a fool of myself.  As a result it would constantly discourage me.   My inner judge found more things to judge and discourage me for.   Like a snowball running down hill, picking up more and more snow, my inner judge had a whole laundry list of things to judge me for.  By the time I was an adult, my inner judge was relentless.  It found fault with me every day and my core wound “I’m not good enough” was highly activated.

At some point I had to confront the judge and start calling it on its lies.  I had to start saying “this is not true.”  I am not going to make a fool of myself!  I’m not ugly!  I am good enough!

I’ve done a lot of work on myself and my inner judge was converted to the praiser.  It is not that I never judge myself.  It is more that I catch that part of myself early on and work with it.  I am always looking for the deepest truth in any given situation.  I am willing to self-reflect and see where I might be responsible for an issue occurring on the outside.  Or I resolve myself of responsibility and retreat to the safety of myself.

Being in a space of love with ourselves is where we find that inner peace.  Even if we have done something that we consider to be wrong or out of integrity, we love ourselves through the resolution of it.  We don’t negatively judge or condemn ourselves but rather treat ourselves as we would a child who has had a transgression.  We still love that child and we teach it a better way.

As we grow and evolve, we are always seeking a better way.  We are seeking to reach higher and higher states of consciousness.  We reach these higher states of consciousness through love, not through warring with ourselves.  Inner peace comes from loving and accepting all aspects of ourselves.

Be patient with yourself.  Change takes time.  Think of it as building a stronger, more peaceful YOU by starting at the foundation.  Getting all parts of yourself in alignment with your highest good is building a strong foundation.

With that strong foundation, you can begin to really achieve the goals that you set for yourself in life.  Whether it be a great relationship, financial abundance, a great career, good health, or amazing confidence in yourself, when all parts of you are working together on the same team, all things are possible.