Many people believe Narcissism is a Mental Illness and therefore should treat people with narcissistic behavior with more understanding and care. There is a lot to clear up about Narcissism as a Mental Illness and in this article, I will break it down.
Narcissism, in and of itself is a personality style. It is a set of characteristics that certain people possess, that results in difficult and frustrating behavior.
There are nine characteristics that make up what is known as narcissistic personality disorder, however people can possess some of the characteristics and still be highly narcissistic. They may display narcissism without having a diagnosable condition.
Some psychologists will argue that narcissistic personality disorder should not even be listed in the DSM 5 (Diagnostical Manual) as a disorder. Because there is no effective treatment for it and their ability to function in society isn’t necessarily impaired.
People who have high levels of narcissism can have more success than the average person in business, finances and dating. They can be very high-functioning in society although their relationships typically suffer. When their personal relationships fall apart, narcissistic people don’t take any responsibility for it and use their charms to find a quick replacement.
People with a mental illness are typically impaired from normal functioning and their illness can often be treated or managed with medication. Although we can argue that narcissistic people are not “normal” in their behavior and their treatment of others, they are still capable of functioning in the world. They can hold jobs, pay their bills, manage people, and even appear to have it all together when interviewing for a job or when dating.
In the legal system, people with high levels of narcissism and sociopathy may be seen as having impaired mental and/or emotional judgment, but are typically considered competent to stand trial and are held fully accountable for their behavior.
Some experts will say that people with personality disorders should be looked at as having a mental illness by friends, family and the legal system. Not so that we give them a break, but so that we understand that they just aren’t “normal.” They don’t look at life through the same lens as people with empathy, and a sense of responsibility for their behavior.
My view is that if it helps you to break away from a narcissist and heal, by all means, refer to them as mentally ill. But don’t use the mental illness card to guilt yourself into staying in an abusive relationship and continuing to tolerate abuse. It is never okay to tolerate abuse.
Even people who have bi-polar disorder can be highly abusive and this is a diagnosable mental illness. But we still don’t want to stay in a situation where we are not safe, regardless of whether or not there is a diagnosis.
People who stay with abusers, are frequently codependent and self-abusive. They are likely to have fragile nervous systems and can be prone to having PTSD. In order to heal PTSD one must have safety in their lives. When you are living with someone who is abusive, you won’t feel safe and therefore can’t heal your PTSD.
Since there is a fine line between narcissism and mental illness, it is important to understand that, on the most part, narcissism remains untreatable. Therefore, there is nothing you can do for someone who is narcissistic. You need to take the focus off that person and put it back on yourself. What can you do to help yourself? How can you get to safety?
If you have a fantasy that you will get the narcissist treatment or get him/her on medication and they will become the person you want and need them to be, forget about it. You are wasting your time. The longer you stay and dedicate yourself to helping the narcissist get better, the sicker you will become.
Someone with narcissism won’t see themselves as having any kind of mental illness or issue. But they will likely think you are crazy and need help. So once again, you can look at narcissism as a mental illness for your own mental health. But not so you can get the narcissist help.
There are some narcissistic people who say they know they have an issue and need help, but that window is fleeting and will slam shut just as quickly as it opens. I’ve worked with narcissistic people and they are not consistent with sessions. They typically cancel at the last minute or “no show” without taking any responsibility. They lie about what is going on in their relationships or they see it from such a warped perspective that they are clueless as to what is really going on. I’ve never seen any real improvement.
So to answer the question is narcissism a mental illness. The short answer is “not really.” It is a personality style, and a very difficult one at that.
If you are dealing with a narcissistic person, get help for yourself. Develop strong boundaries. Break free! Work with your own addictions to wanting and needing something from that person they are incapable of giving. There is help for you, but not for the narcissist.
