Narcissism in mothers is a particular concern for those trying to heal from past abuse and break patterns of narcissistic relationships. Often, the root of choosing narcissistic partners and friends lies in having a narcissistic parent. While both mothers and fathers can be narcissistic, narcissistic mothers are particularly damaging due to the crucial bond between mother and child for the child’s mental health and well-being.
Many adults come to realize their mother is narcissistic only in adulthood. Without understanding narcissism, it’s hard to recognize it in a parent or partner. Unusual and emotionally damaging behavior might be noticed, but without a name for it, it remains misunderstood. The journey to uncover what is wrong with a parent or partner often leads to an understanding of narcissism.
Narcissism in mothers can show up in behaviors such as controlling, dominating, belittling, dismissing feelings, lack of support, nurturing, attention, and empathy, unrealistic expectations, scapegoating, blaming, guilting, shaming, favoritism, abusive behavior, silent treatment, and abandonment. Growing up with a narcissistic parent can make toxic behavior seem normal, until exposure to healthier dynamics shows the stark difference. This realization might prompt leaving home early.
In families with a narcissistic mother, fathers are often either absent or codependent, giving the mother excessive control. A codependent father might sacrifice his children’s well-being to appease the mother. In cases of divorce, the father might become even more absent to avoid dealing with the mother, again leaving children at the mercy of the narcissistic parent. If both parents are narcissistic, the child faces compounded harm, with no refuge for comfort and support, leading to profound feelings of abandonment and worthlessness.
Recognizing narcissism in a mother often triggers a painful re-evaluation of past experiences, but this awareness also opens the door to healing. Adults can set boundaries and, if necessary, cut off contact with their mother. Adult children are not obligated to their parents and are free to make their own decisions about their lives and relationships. They can choose what is best for themselves and their children, establishing and enforcing boundaries.
Narcissistic mothers may struggle to relinquish control over their adult children, continuing attempts to dictate their lives. Dealing with this requires the same strategies used with any narcissist: setting limits, potentially reducing contact, standing firm even if the parent reacts negatively, and prioritizing personal well-being over trying to please the narcissist. It’s crucial to understand that pleasing a narcissist is impossible, as their demands are ever-changing.
Therapy or support can be essential in dealing with childhood wounds and empowering oneself as an adult. Traumatized children often remain emotionally stuck until they receive support and begin to care for their inner child. This is key to moving beyond the influence of a narcissistic mother and becoming a fully empowered adult.
Seeking help to reclaim one’s power is important for those with narcissistic mothers. It is possible to move beyond the impact of a narcissistic parent and lead a fulfilling, rewarding life.
