Most people when they think of Narcissism, think of NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder. There is a tendency to place everyone with narcissistic traits into the category of someone with a personality disorder. But observing narcissism traits doesn’t necessarily suggest the individual would be diagnosed with NPD.
I think it is important to mention that our society breeds narcissism. It can be both a learned behavior and also the result of abuse, neglect or special treatment in childhood.
There is a very large percentage of our population who have narcissism, but who we wouldn’t necessarily be diagnosed as having a personality disorder. When narcissism becomes “normal” it no longer fits the category of being disordered.
Narcissism is not a diagnosis, it is an observation one makes about someone’s personality. However it is also important to note that narcissism traits are basically the same characteristics that are the criteria for diagnosis.
Narcissism Traits include lack of empathy, envy, arrogance, superiority, grandiosity, entitlement, superficiality, chronic egocentricity, admiration and validation seeking, incapacity for intimacy, disregulated anger, the two faces of validation seeking in public, and the abusive one in private.
Here are the criteria for diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder according to the DSM5.
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A grandiose sense of self-importance
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A preoccupation with fantasies of unlimited success, power, brilliance, beauty, or ideal love
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A belief that he or she is special and unique and can only be understood by, or should associate with, other special or high-status people or institutions
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A need for excessive admiration
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A sense of entitlement
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Interpersonally exploitive behavior
- A lack of empathy
- Envy of others or a belief that others are envious of him or her
- A demonstration of arrogant and haughty behaviors or attitudes
We can easily observe narcissism traits in others without throwing a diagnosis at them. You could also observe someone to be kind, caring, foolish, cruel, smart or irresponsible, without diagnosing them.
And so lets throw out the whole idea that narcissism is a diagnosis and stop asking the question “how do I know if he or she is a narcissist?’ You know because you observe it. You see the characteristics that I mentioned above. You experience the damage that this kind of person causes in your life due to lack of empathy, superiority, and abusiveness behind closed doors, to name a few.
We often don’t trust our own observations and experiences, and if this is you, it is time to start learning to trust and validate yourself. You need to learn to say to yourself “I know what I know and I know what I have seen, heard and experienced.”
When I work with people who have experience narcissistic abuse, I find that most people have a real need for validation. They need to know someone understands what they have gone through and can validate they aren’t going crazy.
Even though narcissism, in and of itself, is not a diagnosis, the behavior is still crazy making. And crazy making behavior makes us feel crazy. But as you come to understand the narcissism traits and can call a spade a spade, you can start following the “recovery from narcissistic abuse” protocols and break free from these types of people. They aren’t going to change. The behavior is deeply embedded in their personality. YES, even when there is no diagnosis. It is still a personality style that is not likely to change.
People with high levels of narcissism are more likely to be successful in business, make more money, and have more success in the dating world. It is not typical that narcissistic people’s lives are negatively and dramatically effected by their behavior. It is much more likely that the people they get involved with, or lord over in some way are dramatically impacted by the narcissistic behavior.
What I am saying is that if you have been abused by a narcissist, you are more likely to get a diagnosis than the narcissist. You are more likely to have PTSD or some kind of mental health disorder as a result of the abuse.
This is why it is so important that you do break free from the narcissist in your life and get help and support in your own recovery.
You can’t help the person with narcissism & NPD. But you can help yourself.
