You might be on this page today because you are noticing some narcissism signs in someone you know and want to verify or validate what you are witnessing.

In previous articles, I’ve stated how narcissism isn’t a diagnosis, it is a personality style.  Although there is a diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder in the DSM 5, very few people with narcissistic traits ever seek help.  Why should they?  Most people with narcissism are doing just fine.  It is the people around them who are suffering.

If you know someone who is displaying signs of narcissism, you might be confused because he or she is not taking any responsibility whatsoever for how you are being effected by their behavior.  After all, it is your problem that YOU are being affected, right?  That’s what they think.

Ultimately it is our problem when we are being affected by a narcissist, because we are the only one who have the power to do anything about it.  We can’t change them.  They don’t have a reason to change.  If you don’t give them what they want, they will find someone who will.  And they usually don’t have a problem doing this.

You will notice narcissistic people don’t have empathy.  They really don’t have the ability to imagine what you must be going through and offer no genuine support.  They can’t.  Because they simply can’t relate to you.  You live in a different reality than they do.

You may notice a narcissist is constantly finding fault with you and placing himself/herself upon a pedestal of perfection.  “I am right, you are wrong.” You can’t ever win an argument.  You are made to feel you are inferior to the narcissist.  You might even be convinced he or she is superior.

Grandiosity is another narcissism sign you may notice.  What this means is the narcissist has delusions of grandeur, imagining themselves in high places, with a lot of money, a nice house, having friends in high places, and the trophy husband/wife, but does not put the effort in to actually make his/her fantasies a reality.  There is a sense of entitlement and self-importance that suggest everything should simply be given to them, because they are so special.

Narcissists are also very envious.  How dare you get the attention and admiration that he or she should be getting.  How dare you get a promotion at work, make more money, or have something amazing to celebrate.  A narcissist will be sure to sabotage your success, given the opportunity.

Narcissists are also very superficial.  They can talk a good talk and even convince you they have warmth and depth, but the deeper you go, the more you realize how shallow the waters really are.  They tend to be very emotionally shallow and most definitely emotionally immature.  They don’t tend to take an interest in what you are doing, or care about your achievements.  At least not past the love bombing stage of the relationship.

If you have an illness or suffering a loss or setback in your life, the narcissist is no where to be found.  They often take your hard times as a sign to exit the scene.  They are fair weather friends who, because of their lack of empathy and inability to truly be supportive, don’t want to be bothered with your troubles.  After all, its all about them and if you aren’t focused on them and their needs, they have no interest in you.

Because of a narcissists need for attention, admiration and validation, they put on a very good show in public.  They have everyone around them fooled, believing they are the best thing since sliced bread.  However, at home, behind closed doors, its a different story entirely.  They can be cruel, uncaring, and down right abusive.  They gaslight, causing you to doubt your own reality.  And the gaslighting is made worse by the fact that everyone seems to worship the ground they walk on.  Why is it you are the only one who sees this side of them.  It must be you, right?

I could keep going but you get the idea.  If you are experiencing these narcissism signs, you are probably dealing with a narcissist.   There is no reason to question or doubt your own experiences.  You know what you know and see what you see.  So trust your own experiences.

There is no sense in scheduling an appointment with a psychologist to see if they would be diagnosed as a narcissist.  Because narcissism is not a diagnosis.  As I said, It is a personality style.  You can’t fix it or cure it.  They aren’t going to see the error of their ways and start treating you as you deserve to be treated.  You are only in their life to fill a need and if you fail to fill the need, they will quickly find someone else who will.

If you find yourself involved with someone displaying these narcissism signs, get help for yourself. You are the one who has the power to change and create a life where you are treated as you truly deserve to be treated.