Narcissism: What is it?  Although many people know what a narcissist is due to having had a relationship with one, or have a family member, or boss or friend who is one, many people don’t have a clue what narcissism really is.

Narcissism is misunderstood by so many and people are often referred to as a narcissist for all the wrong reasons.  Maybe someone likes to post “selfies” on social media, or is overly concerned with their appearance, or a little self-absorbed in their work or business.  But this doesn’t make them a narcissist.

There is also a difference between narcissism and NPD, or Narcissistic Personality Disorder.  Narcissistic Personality Disorder is listed in the DSM 5, which is the diagnostic manual for mental disorders.  But in the context of narcissism, we are not talking about a mental disorder.  We are talking about a personality style that has a particular set of characteristics.

Ironically the characteristics of someone with narcissism, is pretty much the same as the characteristics of someone who might be diagnosed by a professional as having narcissistic personality disorder.  But since people with high levels of narcissism function pretty well in society, and there is no effective medication or treatment for NPD, we don’t know how long this condition will be considered a “disorder.”

The people who are close to the narcissist are the people who suffer the most.  Not the narcissist.  So narcissism doesn’t cause suffering to the narcissist the way it does to the people who are in his/her close orbit.  Therefore, according to the majority of people with narcissism, there is no problem.  You are the problem.

People who are involved intimately with someone who has high levels of narcissism will often be diagnosed with a disorder.  Because their mental and emotional functioning is impaired as a result of the confusion, gaslighting, and covert abuse coming from the narcissist.  Complex Post traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD), is common for people coming out of relationships with narcissists.

Narcissism is characterized by:

• • • Lack of empathy
    • Arrogance
    • Egocentricity
    • Superiority
    • Envy
    • Grandiosity
    • Superficiality
    • Admiration and Validation Seeking in Public
    • Abusive in Private

Narcissism is on a spectrum, so people may have high levels of narcissism, meaning they have all of the characteristics mentioned above in high quantities, or they may have just some of the characteristics.

Since we aren’t in the business of diagnosing people with high levels of narcissism as having NPD, it is important to note that our ability to determine if someone is a narcissist, is to observe the set of characteristics I describe in this article.  This way you aren’t diagnosing anybody with anything. You are simply making an observation.

When you do make an observation that someone in your life has the characteristics of someone with narcissism, it is best not to confront that person with your observations.  It is better to back away slowly, or in many cases, disappear altogether and quickly.  It really depends on the situation.

If it is a family member or co-worker, you might simply start distancing yourself from the relationship.  If it is someone you’ve been intimately involved with and the relationship is toxic, it is better to cut it off altogether, unless of course, there are children involved.  If there are children involved, it is best to cut all emotional involvement and keep the interaction to the topic of the children only.

Narcissism is a crazy making personality style.  These personalities are very difficult, if not impossible to have an authentic relationship with.  There is no cure or pill or anything that is going to make it better for you.  They aren’t likely ever going to change, to consider your position or to see your point of view.  That requires empathy.  Therefore, taking care of yourself is your only course of action that will free you from the grasp of this type of personality.

I hope this is helpful in answering the question “Narcissism: What is It?”  This Website provides a great resource on doing a deeper dive into narcissism and how you can break free from it’s toxic grasp.