After going through the painful devaluing and discard that comes from being in a relationship with a narcissist, many people know they need to seek help to get through the pain and confusion. But how does one find Narcissistic Abuse Therapy that works?
If you are struggling with PTSD symptoms like anxiety, rumination, obsession and panic, as well as all the feelings of insanity that are typical after narcissistic abuse, how do you get the help you need? Do you just google a therapist near you? Do you assume that any licensed mental health therapist will have the knowledge and experience to help you?
In my experience as someone who has been through narcissistic abuse and someone who has helped so many others heal and recover, all therapists are not equal. Although a therapist may learn about personality disorders in school and have a basic understanding of what a narcissist is, or a sociopath or a borderline personality, few understand the traumatic effects of being in a relationship with one.
Whether the narcissist in your life is a parent, a sibling, a boss or a significant other, the effects of such a relationship can be devastating. The layers of projection and denial are thick. There is a web of confusion that is so complex it can take time to unravel the whole thing. And complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD) is not the same as the PTSD a war victim might have.
Most of my clients who had other forms of therapy before coming to see me told me that their therapist didn’t get it. They didn’t feel seen, heard or understood. Their therapist didn’t understand the level of trauma they had experienced. They were often told they just had low self-esteem or were suffering from depression. Medication was often prescribed to deal with the depression and anxiety. Their therapist didn’t understand that it was natural and normal for a victim of narcissistic abuse to obsess and ruminate about their abuser.
The worst thing that my clients reported to me is that their therapist actually made them feel worse because they focused on how crazy the client was feeling and made the assumption there was something wrong with them.
If a therapist doesn’t understand Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome and the accompanying symptoms like CPTSD and the obsession and rumination, they won’t be much help.
What I found in working with clients is that they needed to be validated. They needed to be told there was nothing wrong with them, that they were expressing typical symptoms of someone who has gone through narcissistic abuse. I can’t tell you how much relief this provided my clients. We weren’t able to do any further work until trust was built. They needed to know I understood what they were going through. And I did, fully. Because I had gone through it myself.
Perhaps treating narcissistic abuse is more like treating alcoholism. The recovering alcoholic is considered to be the greatest support to the one who is entering a treatment program. The recovering alcoholic knows what it is like to be an alcoholic. They know the challenges and struggles. They know the loss and the grief. They know what it is to avoid their problems and medicate with alcohol. They know how hard it is to let go of the bottle. They know the struggles of early recovery. They know what it is to relapse.
Although a therapist might have a working knowledge of recovery, they don’t have the inside scoop, so they can’t relate in the same way a recovering alcoholic with some years of recovery under their belt could. This is why the best addiction counselors are previous addicts.
I believe narcissistic abuse therapy is very similar. Someone who is just beginning their path of recovery needs to know that the person supporting them through it can really relate to them. This is how trust is built.
Although I have been working in narcissistic abuse therapy for twenty years now, I am not a licensed mental health counselor, and I don’t accept insurance. I started working with people in a therapeutic modality back in 1988 when I became a Certified Clinical Hypnotherapist and a Registered Counselor in the State of Washington. It felt I was a natural at it because I was highly intuitive and could really tap into the struggles my clients were going through.
It wasn’t until I went through a couple of narcissistically abusive personal relationships that I started working in the field of narcissistic abuse. Writing about narcissistic abuse was very therapeutic to me, and people who read what I was writing could really relate. I would get emails from people telling me that it was as if I was telling their story. We already had a common bond. We both knew what it was like to be on the inside of narcissistic abuse. My business grew naturally after that.
Some of the clients I worked with over the years were licensed mental health counselors and I always told them the world needed them. We need more licensed mental health counselors who understand the inner workings of narcissistic abuse. So there are more out there now than there used to be.
My recommendation to you, if you are looking for narcissistic abuse therapy, is to find someone who knows this journey personally. Find someone who really gets it. Find someone who understands the level of trauma and CPTSD that you are going through. Find someone who believes in actually helping you work through the trauma, the pain and the confusion rather than someone who just wants to prescribe a pill.
Narcissistic abuse therapy is a journey. Recovery from narcissistic abuse is a journey. You need to be willing to face the dragon and work through the pain one day at a time, one step at a time.
The good news is that recovery is possible. I have seen many, many people through their recovery who have gone on to lead normal, healthy, high functioning lives after narcissistic abuse. You can to.