Do you wonder if you, or someone you love is experiencing narcissistic abuse. You might be asking if what you are experiencing are signs of narcissistic abuse. Well lets do a deep dive into what narcissistic abuse looks like.
Often when we are asking the question “am I experiencing narcissistic abuse,” it is more important to tune into your own experiences, feelings and emotions rather than focus on the person you believe might be a narcissist. Although understanding narcissistic traits can help you to identify if the person in question is a narcissist, your own experiences need to be taken into consideration.
PTSD
Signs of narcissistic abuse include symptoms of Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (PTSD) or what we call Complex Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (CPTSD.) If you are experiencing PTSD you are likely highly anxious, experiencing fight or flight symptoms, panic, obsession, rumination, confusion, flashbacks, insomnia, nightmares, and even agoraphobia, which is fear of leaving the house.
Complex PTSD results from ongoing trauma rather than a specific traumatic event. CPTSD is common in domestic partner abuse or childhood abuse.
The most common PTSD symptoms I see in clients coming to me as a result of narcissistic abuse are high levels of anxiety, panic, obsession and rumination. Clients can’t stop thinking about the narcissist and the things they said or did. They replay events over and over in their mind. They can’t get the narcissist out of their head. They feel possessed. They are highly confused and don’t feel safe. They fear running into the narcissist in public or seeing them in any situation. They are confused about how the narcissist could move on so quickly without any emotional attachment. They may even obsess about the new partner of the narcissist wondering what he/she has that they don’t have.
A victim of narcissistic abuse may feel they are going crazy, or losing their mind. And this is because the relationship itself was crazy-making. There was likely gaslighting involved, which is a technique narcissists use to get someone to question and doubt their own reality. A narcissist may tell you that they didn’t do or say something they clearly did do or say. They may tell you that you did or said something you clearly didn’t. They may tell you they love you one minute and tell you they never loved you the next. They may engage in an emotional or physical affair and deny it when you confront them about it. They project, deflect and blame, making you feel that you are being suspicious, jealous, controlling, stalking, etc.
Levels of confusion can be so high when with a narcissist that you may not know what is real and what is not.
Since narcissists spin things in such a way that you start to believe you are the problem, when they devalue and discard you it leaves you feeling a great deal of shame and feelings of inadequacy. These are really deep, core wounds that cause you to doubt your value as a human being.
Fuel is added to the fire when you are quickly replaced by a new source of supply. They rapidly withdraw all attention and energy from you and start love-bombing someone else. You may hear people talk about how happy the narcissist and his/her new person look together. You have to quickly unfriend and unfollow not only the narcissist on social media but everyone who is associated with him/her. Otherwise, you will be exposed to images of the happy couple living a great life, while you are home alone suffering the worst pain of your life.
It is typical to feel misunderstood by friends and family after narcissistic abuse. You may try to communicate how you feel, but since those who have not experienced this kind of insanity can’t relate to it, they tend to be dismissive, invalidating and unsupportive. They might mean well, but just don’t have a frame of reference to understand the severity of the situation. The tendency is to want to “normalize” the relationship or break-up and develop a belief that you are just taking it hard. This is often the result of the narcissist appearing to be such a wonderful, loving and kind person. Unless one is on the inside and witnessing the crazy making behavior of a narcissist they are not likely to see it or understand it.
Many people who are the victim of narcissistic abuse feel so devastated by the abuse they don’t want to live anymore. They may have suicidal ideation. They may be deeply depressed and unable to function. They may lose their job because they can’t function the way they once did.
Some victims of narcissistic abuse turn to drugs or alcohol to cope with the tremendous emotional pain they are in. Some even lash out at the narcissist and do things they never imagined they were even capable of doing. This ends up backfiring because the narcissist starts talking about how crazy their ex is.
If you can relate to any of these signs of narcissistic abuse, It is important for you to know you aren’t going crazy, but were exposed to a very insane set of circumstances that you are reacting to. It isn’t your fault. You aren’t the problem. You aren’t the crazy one. Even if you are feeling crazy right now.
it is important to reach out and get help. Narcissistic Abuse Syndrome is real and very difficult to go through alone. You need support.
If you need help and support for narcissistic abuse, I am here. Talk to me about a sliding fee scale. I would love to help you work through your narcissistic abuse symptoms and get you back on your feet again. There is hope! There is recovery! Never give up.