When you’ve experienced this thing called Narcissistic Abuse, it is normal, and healthy, to want to talk about narcissistic abuse; what you’ve gone through and how that narcissistic person isn’t at all, who you believed them to be.

However, we come up against what I will call “The Illusion versus the Reality!”  Narcissists, especially covert and vulnerable narcissists and borderline personalities, are masters at weaving the illusion of who they are; which in no way matches the reality.

The people who know them, from the outside, just see the presentation, and never really see what happens behind closed doors.  But just because people don’t see what happens behind closed doors, does this mean it didn’t happen?

Well, this is the dilemma that victims of narcissistic abuse are in.  Often times they are not believed.  People might tell them “oh he seems like such a nice guy, or sweet person, I can’t really believe he or she would be capable of the horrors you describe.”  There is a type of invalidation that can come with being a victim of narcissistic abuse.

We often suffer in silence because there are no bruises or cuts on our skin.  Instead the wounds are deeply embedded on our psyches.  We might question ourselves, if this was even abuse, or are we just overly sensitive.

The narcissist will deny there was any kind of abuse.  If you talk about the abuse, the narcissist will say you are just being a victim,  vindictive, or are overly sensitive, or just bitter that they moved on so fast.

We have a whole new category that has emerged in the past twenty years called “Narcissistic Abuse” for a reason.  I have specialized in narcissistic abuse for the past fifteen years for a reason.  It is a serious type of mental, verbal, psychological and emotional abuse that tears people apart on the inside; even though they may still look okay on the outside.

The majority of people who are victims of narcissistic abuse don’t have any idea what this term even means.  They find out towards the end of their relationships or after they have already been devalued and discarded.  People can be pretty excited to have a name for what they are going through, but having a name for the insanity, doesn’t make it any less painful.

Talking about Narcissistic Abuse is an important part of recovery.  It makes it real and it helps us to heal.

Listen to the full episode below: