The Twin Flame Myth is a belief that you are one soul divided in half and put into two different bodies.  When you find that “other half,” it is like coming home.  It feels amazing!  But what happens when your “other half” doesn’t love you anymore, doesn’t treat you right, or is downright abusive?  Will your belief that this is your other half, keep you holding onto a relationship that is painful and destructive to you?

In the Twin Flame Myth, we are told that it is a difficult relationship because we provide a mirror for each other to see what within ourselves needs to be healed.  So we trigger each other and the relationship itself is painful.  But if you go deeper into the Twin Flame Myth, you are triggered so that you grow and expand and have a deeper love as a result.  Have you ever seen this happen with a narcissist?  Narcissists don’t tend to grow and expand because they are too busy blaming you for how they feel.

If you are in a relationship where both of you are truly growing and expanding, then great.  Keep going.  I don’t care what you call it.  If you are growing in love as a result of your primary relationship and there isn’t abuse, neglect, gaslighting, affairs and other very difficult and painful circumstances, then more power to you.  But if you are of the belief that you are supposed to tolerate these kinds of behaviors and somehow become better as a result, then you are likely fooling yourself.  It can be very difficult to “rise up,” when you are being beaten down.

One thing that is important to understand about the narcissist is that they rarely believe they are being abusive.  Self-reflection is very low or nonexistent in a narcissist.  If a narcissist does appear to be aware of his own abusive behavior, will he feel the same way tomorrow, or the next day, or will he return to the abusive behavior?  A narcissist is much more likely to blame you for how he or she is feeling.  There is a lot of projection and blaming.  There isn’t much growth, if any at all.

So, if you are in a narcissistically abusive relationship, or have left such a relationship, it is important to know this can’t be your twin flame, nor can the relationship be based on any kind of authentic love.  It is a need-based relationship that is parasitic in nature and destructive to the one who is not narcissistic.

I don’t believe in the concept that two souls split in half and are born into different bodies.  Because that would suggest we are not whole.  We only have half a soul.  I believe we are born perfect, whole and complete unto ourselves and the deep separation we feel in this life is a separation from God; from source, from that divine light that we come from.   I do believe that we all come from one Oversoul and that divine spark is within each one of us.  This would make everyone on the planet our soulmate, in a sense.

I also believe there are people we resonate with on a much deeper level than others.  We feel deeply connected to some people and this connection feels very special.  Often times this connection can be based on true, authentic love, but in other instances it may be a wound mate type of connection.

A wound mate connection is one where you have similar type family-based wounding or trauma and there is a strong sense of familiarity that one feels when they meet this other person.  When you come together in this familiarity it may feel very powerful, like you met the one who can truly understand you.

I hear from clients how because of their own wounds they have a deep understanding of the pain and trauma of the other.  These are typically very empathic people who can really feel what the other is feeling and can resonate with those feelings.

There may even be a belief that we can heal each other.  But when people come together, as a result of their wounds, it would be very rare that they would heal in this relationship.  Because the relationship is more likely to trigger our wounds and keep us inflamed.  It’s a great opportunity to see what within ourselves needs to be healed, but we also need a safe and compassionate environment in which to heal.  Healing also involves learning to trust yourself and set healthy boundaries.

When in a narcissistic relationship there is typically a lot of gaslighting which causes us to doubt, rather than trust ourselves.  And narcissists don’t respect boundaries, so when you set them, they get walked over.  There is no real respect.  So once again it can be very difficult to heal in such an environment.

The intense bond we often feel in such a relationship is a trauma bond.  And trauma bonds, although intense and passionate in the beginning default to a lot of pain, confusion and misunderstanding.  There is not any real or unconditional love.  Instead, we are both trying to get our needs met, or if codependent we are busy catering to the needs of the other, trying to get something for ourselves in the process.

Listen to the whole Podcast on Pandoras Box Radio with Kaleah.